proofs of god

i don't like them. i encountered a lot of them in my university studies. a logical proof requires a priori assumptions, but what comes before god? a proof strikes me as a human creation, a human fabrication; a proof of god seems to put the cart before the horse.

actually, proof seems out of place to me tonight. i was watching pairs of canada geese courting on the ice of the bay, honking calls and response, flying fast and low. geese are what geese are.

i am what i am. god is what is god, and i still prefer god as ineffable. i like the mystery and wonder, i like the challenge to my faith: how do i believe in what i don't know? jesus the human i know, as much as i can know a historical/archetypal/mythopoetic person.

god as proof. i don't like this either. i've been reading about intelligent design lately, not in my current book i'm reading, programming the universe, but as an adjunct. science is science, and while god may be at the root of all creation, the prime mover, or even active agent, scientific methodology has several criteria of proof, none of which admits the supernatural. science does not prove everything; just the opposite, it discovers more and more mystery, more and more wonder.

i sit watching the geese, and i nag myself: shouldn't i be doing something else? something productive? something that moves my life forward another notch? (as if i could possibly control my future to such fine detail, or to any degree at all). then
i scold myself: shut up! i'm missing the geese!

facts and proofs and plans, if they get out of hand, can get in the way of wonder, eh?

i heard a james taylor song today that i've never paid attention to before. here are some of the words from the middle of the song "Secret O' Life":


The secret of love is in opening up your heart
It's okay to feel afraid
But don't let that stand in your way
'Cause anyone knows that love is the only road
And since we're only here for a while
Might as well show some style
Give us a smile

Einstein said he could never understand it all
Planets spinning through space
The smile upon your face
Welcome to the human race

Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
It's just a lovely ride