sex. and christianity.

sex. and christianity. sex and the single person and christianity. i'm a divorced heterosexual. by my definition, i'm not promiscuous. i have had sex only within the bounds of committed, monogamous, loving relationships.

but the relationships haven't lasted, and perhaps 'commitment' has been the telling point. committed to what? being committed to the other person hasn't been enough to make the relationship last.

my experience has been that each person in the relationship changes, and rightfully so: changes to become more authentic and to achieve a truer understanding of the self. but that hasn't work towards a mutual commitment; just the opposite, because it's inevitable that each person changes differently: if you roll two dice, most of the time they'll come out as two different numbers, and to be able to roll doubles consistently is, well, miraculous. or else the dice are fixed.

nicky gumble gives the analogy of a christian marriage as a pyramid with each person on either side of the base and god at the apex. as each person moves up the sides of the pyramid towards god, they move closer together. here, of course, 'commitment' involves commitment to jesus, and all else follows.

i don't expect christian commitment in a relationship makes it any easier; it's not a panacea for human frailties; in fact, i expect it produces greater challenges, but i also expect it comes with a promise of greater truth and love and joy. i've seen christian marriages fail; i've seen non-christian marriages succeed.

but i've made my choice to follow god, and that redefines my idea of a 'committed' relationship. on the other hand, i haven't made my choice yet whether i want a relationship with a woman again. i have a lot to sort out for myself, i have children who need my support. i have a deeper yearning that i need to understand. maybe it's time to be intentionally celibate for a while and let that sexual energy serve another purpose.