back to the garden - carbon and humus

permaculture is about discovering nature/god's patterns and implementing them in our agriculture, and indeed our culture as a whole. if life has a number, it's the number six: carbon.

carbon exists in many forms. of course, it is concentrated in fossil fuels, the burning of which puts carbon into the air as greenhouse gases.

but carbon is also found in living things. the burning of forests and the erosion of living soil, or humus, also puts carbon into the air.

david holmgren, in Permaculture: Principles & Pathways Beyond Sustainability, writes that a "valuable storage of carbon is created when we simply allow plant material to rot back into the soil. Organic matter, especially carbon-rich bulky plant materials, is the fuel for soil micro-organisms, which in turn are the key to the cycling and availability of plant nutrients." p. 36.

"Changing the management of farmland to use organic and permaculture strategies and techniques can rebuild this storage of carbon... It is arguably the greatest single contribution we can make to ensure the future survival of humanity." p. 37.

"Alan Yeoman ... has arguewd that loss of humus from agricultural soils is as large a contributor to greenhouse gas emissions as motor cars, and that achievable increases in humus across the world's farming soils could reabsorb the whole of the damaging imbalance of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere." p. 39

to be continued...

sustainable differences

in an open journal post, i mentioned that even within the local community there are divergent views which cause paralysis. take 'sustainability' fer instance. in my girlfriend's group, some members believe that we cannot sustain our culture at the current energy levels and we must prepare for a low-energy future. others in the group believe we'll find a technological solution that will enable us to continue our high-energy lifestyle with some degree of sustainable adaptation .

high-energy or low, even the notion of sustainability is uncertain. david holmgren writes, in Permaculture: Principles & Pathways Beyond Sustainability (p. xxx):

The lack of any reasonable definition of sustainability has left it open to inevitable appropriation by the corporate spin doctors. But even the most genuine and useful sustainability concepts including permaculture contain an ambiguity about sustainability as a state or a process. Once we accept the reality and magnitude of energy descent, we begin to ask what "sustainability", "sustainable systems" or "sustainable system design" might mean. Even the idea of permanence at the heart of permaculture is problematic to say the least.

...In articulating Permaculture as the Principles and Pathways Beyond Sustainability, I am suggesting that we need to get over our naive and simplistic notions of sustainability as a likely reality for ourselves or even our grandchildren and instead accept that our task is use our familiarity with continuous change to adapt to energy descent.

[emphasis is in the original]

"We are a throw-away society and that is a measure of our poor stewardship of our wealth."

Ain't that the truth.

The greater truth is that we each possess an infinite capacity to change and the ability to choose change for the better.

Day 5's post has a lot of great ideas.
Day 5: Abandon disposables
from Thirty Days Towards Sustainability

"Bruce Cockburn: Telling the Truth About the Human Condition"

E Magazine interview:

"Canadian singer-songwriter Bruce Cockburn's 29th album, Life Short Call Now (Rounder) is being released this month and it continues to showcase his unique position as a sometimes-angry analyst of the world scene...

"Cockburn, a devout Christian, is a regular reader of E Magazine and a passionate advocate for environmental causes. His songs take on such challenging topics as the International Monetary Fund's lending practice and the damage caused by land mines. This interview with him took place in New York City, near the beginning of a U.S. tour that continues through September 17."


read more from Bruce Cockburn: Telling the Truth About the Human Condition. ... the last paragraph is perhaps the best part.

30 Days Towards Sustainability

A new series highlighting practical actions people can do to move towards a more sustainable lifestyle.

last night of beta

the final topic was about generosity, specifically monetary generosity. i enjoyed the nicky gumble talk vey much, and the discussion afterwards, too. our small group was even smaller tonight: six, including the two leaders. the discussion was as much about acquisitiveness as it was about generosity, and it ranged from personal experiences to global concerns, to which last night's film, an inconvenient truth, was influential.

what next? many ideas were cast about, but nothing firm because, as k pointed out, september schedules have to settle into place before we can decide; also, its a diverse group and the members will probably seek individual paths.

sustainable lifestyles symposium - day 6

it ended as it began: me, susan, jay, and alta working in the kitchen in the afternoon; this time cleaning and packing up. occasionally i'd run out to the parking area to say goodbye to someone. in the morning we gathered a final time to wrap-up, which at times was very emotional.

so much hope for transformation: in our personal lives, in our communities, in our planet.

i have pages of notes to sift through. in the coming weeks and months i hope to have the time and energy to post and share and to gather your thoughts and feelings.

sustainable lifestyles symposium - day 5

i worked in the kitchen a lot today. alta and kathleen are wonderful. talked with kathleen about her years living in hell's kitchen in nyc, how she was forced from the textile industry by changes in nafta, took up theology at st. mike's, is now a big sister and alta's dear friend and looking for... for something. i rode jay's tadopole, where upon i lost my blackberry which led to a curious string of happenings (it was found, btw). in the evening we went to share's solar power talk. then we celebrated: music, drumming, dance, dress-up!

sustainable lifestyles symposium - day 4

several of us discussed food policy and govenance with tony mcquail. then 8 of us drove to whole village, a sustainable, intentional ommunity and farm near caledonia where brenda gave us an orientation. on the drive down and back, i got to talk with different people: janie and i grew up in the niagara region and share a desire to bring food awareness to urbanites; tony and fran each talked with me about their farm lives; and jay answered all our questions about bikes and trikes. and gord and tony's discussion on vegetarian and meat diets was enlightening. and i found out, much to my surprise, that ian is not a teacher, but a former businessman turned quaker chaplain. the evening we watched and discussed The Power of Community: How Cuba survived peak oil.
pat, tony and fran, and ian had all been to cuba.

while washing dishes with tony, i asked him about being a quaker. i've been lucky enough to spend a whole day with this deeply thoughful, integrated, spiritual, peaceful, considerate human being.

sustainable lifestyles symposium - day 3

i stayed home today to work with family matters. i missed out on some cool stuff, but i had a great time with wes. i got out there for supper (the food is amazing, btw -- alta is an amazing person and cook). i washed dishes with bruce gillis and found out a lot about site 41 and living in nunavut. the evening's speakers were fran and tony mcquail, well-known ecological farmers near goderich. afterwards, i got the banjo out and an impromptu singalong happened with john, ravi, pat, alta, sue, and myself.

sustainable lifestyles symposium - day 2

jillian hovey of the Sustainable Living Network gave three worKshops on permaculture and after supper a slideshow of homes made from natural materials and using natural means of cycling energy, water, and waste. she also brought hundreds of books for sale from www.sustainablelivingbooks.com
of which i bought two: Permaculture: Principles and Pathways beyond Sustainability by david holmgren and Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed by jared diamond.

jay showed a group of us her tadpole trike on which she rides year-round (i don't know if this is the exact model or manufacturer, but it's pretty close).

sustainable lifestyles symposium - day 1

sunday, breezy and sunny at camp neekaunis on georgian bay.

arrived at 2 pm, registered for the sustainable lifestyles symposium, and pretty soon at work in the kitchen making vegan tortiere an roast vegetables for 2 dozen or so. already making heart-friends and sharing life-stories.

met at 5 with everyone for an intro to each other and the symposium. after supper, a teleconference with lois barber of the world future council and pru moore of 2020 vision.

met people with lots of experience and skills in facilitating and/or healing.

bought two books from sustainable living books

homework tonight: strategic planning workbook for my personal future for a low energy, low carbon world. wish i had more time to write in depth.

eco-catastrophe and the new creation

as a teenager when i first became aware of the politics of food, i made a sign with crayons on yellow construction paper and tacked it to my bedroom wall: YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.

through a series of fortunate coincidences, or perhaps because i am dancing ever closer with the True Music, i came across this quote by John Robbins:

"Maybe we aren't on a one-way road to oblivion. Maybe we're standing at a crossroad, facing what may be the most important choice human beings have ever faced, a choice between two directions. In one direction is what we will have if we do nothing to alter our present course. By doing nothing, we are choosing a world of pollution and extinctions, of widening chasms and deepening despair, a world where humanity moves ever farther from achieving its highest aspirations and ever nearer to living its darkest fears.

"Our other choice is to actively engage with the living world. On this path we work responsibly and joyfully to make our lives, and our societies, into expressions of our love for ourselves, for each other, and for the living Earth. In this direction we honor our longing to give our children, and all children, a world with clean air and water, with blue skies and abundant wildlife, with a stable climate and a healthy environment.

"If you live with fear for our future, you are not alone.

"If you live with dreams of a better world, you are not alone."

John Robbins, The Food Revolution

confession: i've never made it to the end of the bible; never read revelation; afterall, isn't that where all those rapture-crazed fundamentalists find their inspiration? i'm not interested in the rapture; not interested foresaking this world for the next; don't go in for some elitist club of predestined select; jesus came to save us all; and to foresake this beautiful jewel of god's creation seems downright sinful. but evidently, from the discussions in the small groups, the book of revelation lives up to its name; however, it is a very difficult and controversial writing, with many schools of interpretation.

nevertheless, there will be an end of days and a second coming of christ in a world made new. a popular view is that this world will be destroyed and a new one created, like noah and the flood.

but, in conversation with pastor kitson, we discussed an alternative: that this world will be transformed to the new, through a cleansing and purging, as in a crucible.

and i dimly remember a conversation with kate long ago and late into the day, that perhaps in the new world we will come to see god in each one of us and so bring about the second coming.

and perhaps, then, we are in the midst of this transformation, and each of us stands at our personal crossroad, and collectively we stand at the crossroad of creation.

the personal is political, the inward is outward, and within you without you.

so, as you and i stand at the crossroad, be careful we don't take the wrong turn and follow those on the path of destruction, for "their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ."

"If you live with fear for our future, you are not alone. If you live with dreams of a better world, you are not alone."

we are what we eat. may we eat well.

purpose

preamble
(i just noticed that the symbol in blogger for creating a new post is a green cross: .)

i've had many dialogues as of late with kate, jim, wes, sue, and with the beta group. i made some preparatory notes for a meeting with pastor kitson, and i present them here. jim and i didn't discuss everything in my notes. of course we discussed things beyond my notes; i'll try to include some of these as i remember them. i'll probably make this a series of posts.


membership at knox
after the basics 101 course, we were invited to become members of knox, and several of us did so last sunday. i have chosen not to, not yet. i've vowed to give myself a year at knox, a year until easter 2007, a year to wait and see.

wait
wait to prove myself out, because i am often rash and jump into things

see
see what my purpose truly is


my purpose
i came to god, as you may recall from my posts in march, seeking a purpose to the universe and my purpose within it. it's simple:

my purpose is to fulfill god's purpose for me.

god has a general purpose for all of us:
Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

and:
Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave his charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age."

within these general purposes i must seek god's purpose for me. becoming a christian is only the beginning. i have so much to learn, and i'm blessed to have a wonderful community at knox midland in which to share that learning:

• learn about god
• learn about my community, church and unchurched
• learn about my family, my friends
• learn about my self

direct purpose or indirect?
so, is it my main purpose to serve god directly through worship and evangelism ( to "love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence" and "Go out and train everyone you meet") where i am explicitly a christian; or is it my main purpose to serve god indirectly through stewardship of god's creation, such as environmentalism, where i am not explicitly a christian. (by explicit i mean that it is made clear to all that everything i do serves god, like calling your business "Born Again Environmental Assessments" rather than "Georgian Bay Environmental Assessments" or making explicit scriptural references in my assessments and reports).

similarly, is it better — better for me — to work for the salvation of souls or is it better for me to work for the salvation of wetlands, if in the salvation of wetlands i am being a steward of god's creation?
God spoke: "Let us make human beings in our image, make them
reflecting our nature
So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea,
the birds in the air, the cattle,
And, yes, Earth itself,
and every animal that moves on the face of Earth."


to be continued...
next: eco-catastrophe and the new creation

fallow time

my posts over the last few months have mostly been snippets of lyrics and such. i haven't posted my own thoughts and feelings since early april.

this week i'm feeling low-energy; i'm also pensive and uncertain. in my twenties, not recognizing this low for what it is, i would have tailspun into depression, but now, in my forties, i know myself better: this is an emotional and intellectual fallow period.

what i need is a little more time to myself: good sleep, fresh fruit, long walks and sunshine.

"where in the empire do you want to live?"

enigmatic question on tammy's t-shirt. any thoughts? feelings? directions? googlemap urls? encoded missives?

a matter of joy

"Fear seems to rule our lives, our politics and our world. Fear of terrorism, fear of death, fear of old age, of loneliness, of illness, of being attacked or abused. Fear is the cause of environmental problems, which cannot be solved by fear of global catastrophe. There are better reasons to care for the Earth. Environmentalism is a way of life, not a way of crisis management. Caring for the Earth community, which includes the human community, is a matter of joy, and not a matter of compulsion.

"With best wishes,

Satish Kumar

Editor and publisher

More: http://www.resurgence.org/2006/kumar237.htm

Nothing fails like success

No matter how hard you try
Life won't give a moment's rest
And now you've come to know that
Nothing fails like success

-- Harry Manx "Nothing Fails Like Success" Mantras For Madmen Dog My Cat records 2005

bwg

here's the embryo of a song based on a prayer by jim kitson

the melody and chords are in my head; i'll work them out later


BWG

O God,

I Believe
your Son died for me
and now intercedes
for me before your throne

I Welcome
your Holy Spirit
to bring to birth
and empower new life

I Glorify
Your holy name
and through all you do
and through me forevermore

Amen


it could be sung again with a slight change in pronoun:

We Believe
your Son died for us
and now intercedes
for us before your throne

We Welcome
your Holy Spirit
to bring to birth
and empower new life

We Glorify
Your holy name
and through all you do
and through us forevermore

lubbock or leave it

the dixie chicks ask a good question on this song from their new album, taking the long way:

Dust bowl, Bible belt
Got more churches than trees
Raise me, praise me, couldn't save me
Couldn't keep me on my knees
Oh, boy, rave on down loop 289
That'll be the day you see me back
In this fool's paradise

Temptation's strong
(Salvation's gone)
I'm on my way
To hell's half acre
How will I ever
How will I ever
Get to heaven now

Throwing stones from the top of your rock
Thinking no one can see
The secrets you hide behind
Your southern hospitality
On the strip the kids get lit
So they can have a real good time
Come Sunday they can just take their pick
From the crucifix skyline

Temptation's strong
(Salvation's gone)
I'm on my way
To hell's half acre
How will I ever
How will I ever
Get to heaven now
Get to heaven now

International airport
A quarter after nine
Paris Texas, Athens Georgia's
Not what I had in mind
As I'm getting out I laugh to myself
Cause this is the only place
Where as you're getting on the plane
You see Buddy Holly's face

I hear they hate me now
Just like they hated you
Maybe when I'm dead and gone
I'm gonna get a statue too

Temptation's strong
(Salvation's gone)
I'm on my way
To hell's half acre
How will I ever
How will I ever
Get to heaven now
Get to heaven now
How will I ever

Get to heaven now

maybe the poet

here's a song about the truth that inspired me twenty-odd years ago. karen and i visited the salvadoran refugee camps in honduras at that time, and i carried cockburn's lyrics with me in my notebook.


Maybe the poet is gay
But he'll be heard anyway

Maybe the poet is drugged
But he won't stay under the rug

Maybe the voice of the Spirit
In which case you'd better hear it

Maybe he's a woman
Who can touch you where you're human

Male female slave or free
Peaceful or disorderly
Maybe you and he will not agree
But you need him to show you new ways to see

Don't let the system fool you
All it wants to do is rule you
Pay attention to the poet
You need him and you know it

Put him up against the wall
Shoot him up with pentothal

Shoot him up with lead
You won't call back what's been said

Put him in the ground
But one day you'll look around

There'll be a face you don't know
Voicing thoughts you've heard before

Male female slave or free
Peaceful or disorderly
Maybe you and he will not agree
But you need him to show you new ways to see

-- bruce cockburn, stealing fire (1984)

happy birthday, bob

I know God is my shield
And he won't lead me astray
Still I don't know what I'm gonna do
I was allright 'til I fell in love with you

from "Til I fell in love with you"
from Time Out Of Mind (1997)
Bob Dylan

crooked shack

all this talk of LIGHT and not despairing of this world reminds me of a song i wrote long ago, not far from here, just across the water. i wrote it while working as a counsellor at a ymca camp, and i was living in a cabin called waterfront II, whose foundation was so unsettled that there was not a right-angle or perpendicular wall or level floor to be found. you'd drop a marble and quickly it would roll out of sight.

it has a hard, driving percussive guitar rhythm behind it.


crooked shack

june 30, 1982, waterfront II, camp wa-sa-ah-bun

try to sleep straight in a crooked bed
alla your blood rushes to your head
try to live right in a crooked world
gotta fly your banner let it unfurl

try to sit straight in a crooked chair
where's the comfort gone you don't know where
try to do the best but the world don't care
gotta shine your light in that darksome lair

[bridge]
god knows i can't do this alone
can't do this thing on my own
gotta find a friend
to make it to the end

i live my life in a crooked shack
got crooked windows front and back
but out in the distance i see a level land
there lies a home for woman and man


© 1982 peter ladage

some things never change

"Why on earth would you suggest the people be given a holiday? Back to work! Look, I've got all these people bumming around, and now you want to reward them with time off?"

the da vinci code part 2: "How do we know what is really true?" - sermon and discussion notes

before the da vinci code discussion, jim discussed with the kids the merits of tying up your shoes, so that as messengers of the good news, we don't trip over our beautiful feet.

after the children went off to sunday school, jim recapped last week's first part on the da vinci code. he concluded that if the major premise of the da vinci code is not the truth, what is the truth? what are the authentic stories? why do we believe what we do believe?

recalling the words of god in isaiah, jim posits that the world is most likely to acknowledge the truth in the fruit it bears.

jim asked us what word or words do we think most people would associate with the word "bible?" people suggested:

• thumper
• old book
• christian
• rules
• fear
• stories for children
• church
• i have a bible. where is it?

jim polled the congregation: are these associations more positive or more negative?

• negative
  

"the bible doesn't have a great rep," jim agreed.

how, then, would people be convinced of its authenticity? we offered these suggestions:

• the person who discusses the bible should be educated and knowedgeable so that what they say is not mere opinion
• how they lived [i'm not sure if 'they' refers to the people of the bible, or to the witnessing christians of today]
• the death and resurrection of jesus christ
• the old testament's claim that the world was created in seven days is not believable these days; it's a question of integrity
• evidence of historical documents
• geographical and archeological evidence
• the bible is still the bestseller of all time
• relating one's personal experience of the bible's impact
• fulfillment of old testament prophecies

jim said all these suggestions work together. it is a question of integrity; of walking the walk and talking the talk. he recalled isaiah: "my word will not return to me empty, but will achieve the purpose for which I sent it": if it's true, it will have an effect.

quoting second timothy, jim said the bible is "god-breathed"; and quoting someone in the da vinci code, "the bible is not faxed from heaven."

the bible is the most compelling story there is. it has magnitude. it has integrity. although it is a set of books written over a thousand years, it tells a single story from beginning to end. his story. history. to illustrate this jim presented the following phrases contained within an hourglass, with the The One at the narrows. [my note: these are the players]:

C r e a t i o n
Adam & Eve
I s r a e l
Remnant
The One
Disciples
The Church
Humankind
New Creation

[my note: this is the plot that relates 1:1 with the players above]:

Relationship
Temptation
Providence
Prophecy
Kingdom
Present
Sent (The
Mission)
Body of
Christianity
V a l u e d
W h o l e

it's the integral story of god seeking us, authenticating us, transforming us into truly his image forever. the scripture addresses us as the living word. we don't have the authority to establish that it's true. rather, scripture authenticates us.

jim referred to the three parables of lost sheep, lost coin, and lost son in luke 15
he said "the lost son," or "prodigal son," could also be called "the searching father." god is searching for us.

the god code:
the real question of authenticity: are we who we need to be.
more so than cope with change, can we effect change, transformation, remaking?

more so than analyzing it, our role is to be part of the story, a story still being told.

the (im)mortal john arpin

i took my daughter tonight to see the renowned john arpin play for his home crowd at the brooklea, in a setting more intimate than a concert hall.

not only was it a special night for me and cady, but it was a special night for mr. arpin. many in the audience were people he grew up with; his brother leo was there, too. but there were many who weren't there, who had died, including "my best male friend," bud watson. john arpin (who will be 70 this year) regretted having been away so much, to miss out on friendships, and he vowed to change that.

he had composed a special piece for tonight, which he played first.

followed by a joplin rag, "easy pieces," then a phenomenal performance of "st. louis blues" by w.c. handy, and closing with a medley of richard rogers songs, which brought us to our feet.

at our table was fran, a petite, shy, elderly woman who had been his elementary school teacher.
during the intermission john arpin was surrounded by friends -- photos and hugs galore. fran hesitantly made her way over to him; i could tell this was very important to her, making this connection from over 50 years ago.

in the second set he talked at some length about his friend eubie blake, and then played a piece by eubie. and he closed with an extemporised medley of songs, that began with a joplinesque ragtime version of "here, there, and everywhere" by the beatles, (just to prove he could play something written after 1935).

john arpin closed by saying he felt a "sort of teetertotter emotion" of sadness and yet a peculiar joy. he heartfelt suggestion that we should make this a regular thing, an annual event, was of course enthusiastically received. nevertheless, for me, and i'm sure for all of us, tonight was a once in a lifetime moment.

testament

at last night's arrogant worms concert in toronto, as part of the intro to their song "jesus' brother bob," one of the worms turned to the other and greeted him:
"hey, judas!"
"hi!"
"i hear you have a new book out..."

before going down to t.o., i nipped into cottage books to see if my son was there, and while i was there i thought perhaps i'd pick up some reading material for the ride down. without going too far i spied a nino ricci book i had never heard of: testament, published in 2002. set in roman times, the first person narrator, who so far hasn't been named, hooks up with a holy man from galilee, yeshua and his growing band of disciples. my suspicion of the narrator's identity is pretty nearly confirmed on page 45, when he joins the band and becomes the treasurer. i've discovered my own gospel of judas.

eyes on the prize

from bruce springsteen's new album, a tribute to pete seeger: We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions:

Paul and Silas, bound in jail
Had no money for to go their bail
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

Paul and Silas thought they was lost
Dungeon shook and the chains come off
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

Freedom's name is mighty sweet
And soon we're gonna meet
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

I got my hand on the freedom plow
Wouldn't take nothing for my journey now
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

Hold on!
Hold on!
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

The only chain that a man can stand
Is the chain of a hand on hand
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

I'm gonna board that big Greyhound
Carry me love from town to town
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

Hold on!
Hold on!
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

The only thing that I did was wrong
Stayed in the wilderness too long
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

The only thing we did was right
Was the day we decided to fight
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

Hold on!
Hold on!
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on!

Ain't been in Heaven but I been told
Streets up there paved with gold

my bible and tolkein

my last post surveyed the english translations online at biblegateway.com. i did this because i'm unfamiliar with most of them, and i'm embarking on a Comprehensive Bible Reading Plan (365 Days). so far i've been reading each passage in two versions: The New International Version (NIV) and The Message.

the bible i have at home is not listed at biblegateway.com: the New Jerusalem Bible. it's a christmas gift almost 20 years ago from my mother and stepfather.

i did not know this until tonight, but the jerusalem bible translator of jonah was j.r.r. tolkein.

what a difference a word makes - Genesis 1:26-28

(note: 16 july 2006; updated with Today's New International Version).

of the two creation stories in genesis, the first strikes me as less patriarchal. nevertheless, some of the different translations online at biblegateway.com differ significantly as far as language inclusivness.

below is a table which focuses on the language used in two phrases: the gender of human beings and their stewardship of earth.

these phrases are bolded in this King James Version of Genesis 1:26:

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

• click the Translation to read that translation's passage of genesis 1:26-28.
• click the Year to read that translation's version information, some of which are very illuminating.

Translation	Published or Copyright Year(s)	Gender	Stewardship
Today's New International Version	2001,2005	human beings	rule over
New International Version	1973-1994	man	rule over
New American Standard Bible	1960-1995	man	rule over
The Message	1993-2002	human beings	responsible for
Amplified Bible	1954-1987	mankind	authority over
New Living Translation	1996	people	masters over
King James Version	1611	man	dominion over
English Standard Version	2001	man	dominion over
Contemporary English Version	1995	humans	rule
New King James Version	1982	man	dominion over
21st Century King James Version	1994	man	dominion over
American Standard Version	1901	man	dominion over
Young's Literal Translation	1898	man	rule over
Darby Translation	1890	man	dominion over
New Life Version	1969	man	be head over
Holman Christian Standard Bible	1999-2003	man	rule
New International Reader's Version	1996-1998	man	rule over

the da vinci code part 1 - sermon notes

(these are my notes about jim's sermon. they are not 100% accurate nor entire. you're welcome to comment and make corrections. i've added biblical and other references.)

jim began hesitatingly, aware that he broached a controversial topic, and nervous about getting this right. he stated that this novel is a work of fiction and it contains falsehoods; nevertheless, he believes god works through controversies such as the da vinci code.

but first, jim read the whole of isaiah 54:

"Sing, O barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,"
says the LORD.

2 "Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.

3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

4 "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

5 For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

6 The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected," says your God.

7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

8 In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,"
says the LORD your Redeemer.

9 "To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.

10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

11 "O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will build you with stones of turquoise, [a]
your foundations with sapphires. [b]

12 I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.

13 All your sons will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be your children's peace.

14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.

15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.

16 "See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc;

17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
and this is their vindication from me,"
declares the LORD.

Footnotes:

1. Isaiah 54:11 The meaning of the Hebrew for this word is uncertain.
2. Isaiah 54:11 Or lapis lazuli

jim said that in the old testament, god exiled israel because they were unfaithful; and because they would not learn, because they would not listen, nations warred against israel until god finally got through to dense israel.

similarly, god uses controversial books to get through to dense 21st century humanity. the role of heresy is to sharpen and define our senses to truly experience god. these are more my words than a paraphrase of jim's. my notes of jim's words are: god uses heresy to make us examine the truth: what it is.

what makes a really good storytelling is that for a moment we suspend disbelief, we engage, we identify with the characters, we live their reality. but in the end, the truth is that a novel is not above distortion or invention in order to tell a good story. (this is my amplification of jim's point).

what it is is a fiction.

jim focused on three main points of fiction:

1. the priory of sion is a centuries-old secret society dedicated to the preservation of the secret true church. in reality, the priory of sion is a 20th century creation of pierre plantard, who "deposited a series of forged documents, the so-called Dossiers Secrets or "Secret Dossiers", at the Bibliothèque nationale de France (BnF), in Paris. Therefore, people who set out to research the 'Priory of Sion' would come across these fake documents at the BnF. One of those researchers was Henry Lincoln."

(henry lincoln went on to write holy blood, holy grail with michael baigent and richard leigh. dan brown based much of his novel on this book.)

2. jesus and mary magdalene were married. mary was pregnant at the time of his crucifixion, and, after his death, she bore their daughter, sarah, whose bloodline exists to this day. in reality, only 2 of the many gnostic gospels hint at the possibility of a special relationship between jesus and mary, and none of the canonical gospels nor acts nor epistles. jim pointed out that in 1 corinthians, 9:5, paul, himself a contemporary of jesus and in communion with christ, asks "Don't we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord's brothers and Cephas [Peter]?" it is telling that he refers to other apostles, but not to jesus himself. wouldn't jesus have been the best example had he himself been married?

3. the truth has been suppressed by the council of nicea in a close vote. in reality, the major concern of the council of nicea had nothing to do with jesus and mary, or mary at all. jesus' divinity was not questioned; it was whether jesus was co-eternal with god, (Trinitarianism) or "created by (and consequently inferior to) the Father at some point, before which the Son did not exist." (Arianism). the vote wasn't close. with about 300 bishops attending, "there were only two adherents of Arius who remained steadfast, Theonas of Marmarica in Libya, and Secundus of Ptolemais."

jim contrasted the above fictions in the novel with its embodiment of truths, two of which are:
- the christian church has suppressed the strength of the feminine
- the christian church has demonized sex

jim added that the new testament does not get distorted with every passing generation's re-telling; rather, each translation goes back to the original greek or hebrew documents. why don't we do this with the church, he wondered, go back and recover the roots of the original christian community?

jim wished to encourage a forum for discussion. tentatively, 5 or 6 people raised questions or made statements. i noted that:
- one person affirmed that dan brown professes to be an ardent christian
- one person said "the gospel is not to be debated, but to be proclaimed."

he tells a good story

many years ago i worked on the brock university student newspaper. in the late fall we printed a letter to the editor which generated a huge response, perhaps the largest in the paper's history.

the letterwriter wasn't a student or staff member. he had come to the campus during frosh week and decided to stay for a few months. he slept in the seminar rooms, showered at the gym, ate from the tons of food left over on abandoned plates in the cafeteria, read in the library and attended lectures and events. all gratis.

now, as winter was approaching, he was on his way to warmer climes, but before leaving he wanted to thank us for our hospitality.

the strongest reaction came from the campus police, locally known as the "Brock Five-O." all of a sudden the friendly, open campus wasn't so open, or friendly anymore. you needed passes to be in the halls after 9 pm, and all the seminar rooms were locked and other restrictions were put in place. the campus police are charged with student safety and they took the matter very seriously, of course.

we got another letter in the spring from the same writer, with very good evidence (same paper, same manual typewriter, same signature), saying it was all hoax and how much the writer had enjoyed reading and watching the debate.

back in the fall, amidst all the raging debate whether this was really possible, and whether this was a hoax, i remember the university president's comment: "he tells a good story."

massive beauty

Simulations Take Us Inside The Mind Of Einstein

"For years scientists trying to visualize the concept of gravitational waves churned by the collision of black holes have relied largely on artists' conceptions. Now, at long last, they have Einstein's conception.



"According to Einstein, when two massive black holes merge, all of space jiggles like a bowl of Jell-O as gravitational waves race out from the collision at light speed. This is a mind-boggling notion, to be sure.

"NASA scientists have reached a breakthrough in computer modeling that allows them to simulate what gravitational waves from merging black holes look like. The three-dimensional simulations are a manifestation of Einstein's equations, pure and simple. And they are the largest astrophysical calculations ever performed on a NASA supercomputer."

Read more: Simulations Take Us Inside The Mind Of Einstein

Watch the clip: NASA video clip of two black holes merging..

my most beautiful day

this is my 44th easter. it has been a beautiful day. my most beautiful day.

the gospel reading brought me to tears: the experience of mary as the first one to experience the risen christ, her passion for jesus, and his direct, personal communication with her. jesus calls her by her name, "mary," he says, and that's how she recognizes him, which seems very intimate to me. "don't hold on to me... go tell my brothers: 'i am returning to my father and your father, to my god and your god.'"

mary is the first to be charged with relating the experience of the risen christ. i find this passage even more moving today as i am still under the effect of reading the bulk of the da vinci code yesterday.

i was further moved by jim's sermon. i have never heard such a sermon before in my life. "this is not a book of rules," he said, holding up the holy bible, "it's people's experiences of god."

i wrote earlier about my dissatisfaction with logical proofs of god. today i write about my joy of the experiential proofs of god. starting with mary and the disciples: what could possibly motivate, asked jim, a scattered, fugutive, leaderless group to go out into the world (in the coming years and decades and eventually suffer torture and death for their evangelism), but the experience of the risen jesus?

i offer no proofs myself, only my own experiences, modest and minor. jim charged us to look to our own experiences, to find the living, dynamic word and ourselves be alive and be dynamic, like jesus. and because we are the church, (and the church is not some slow-moving institution made of sticks and stones) jim has charged the church to be dynamic, to be at the forefront of change, to effect change, for heaven's sake.

i can't do the sermon justice. you had to be there. i hope i got these snppets mostly right.

before the service, i sat next to a woman who hadn't been to church all year. she said she wouldn't tell me her age, but she held a copy of the pioneer camp catalog and said she had gone to pioneer camp 66 years ago. she said that while misses the old hymns, she thinks this contemporary setting is the right thing for the church.

after sue was kind enough to give me a lift home with all my musical gear, i called wes, who was dogsitting at his mother's, and arranged to have brunch with him. i packed my sack and put my banjo around my neck, walked down to tim horton's and up to see my son, playing "lord of the dance" all the way. well, practicing it, actually, but by the time i got to karen's, it was good enough to call playing.

wes met me at the door, spied the banjo, and groaned: "you've brought the devil's ax." i promised not to play it in the house.

i made brunch: scrambled eggs topped with salsa, with buttered homemade whole wheat bread on the side, and wes and i ate in the kitchen. i asked wes if he had read the da vinci code (he hasn't yet, but i gathered that he had a good idea what it's about), and i said it's the topic of the next two sermons. wes asked me if i'm a christian now, and i said yes, and he groaned again, and i thought: this conversation is going to last two minutes.

it lasted two hours. i think it's the first adult conversation i've had with my son. if anyone's reading this who doesn't know wes and how significant this is, not only is he a typical, self-absorbed, benignly rebellious teenager who knows everything and has humanity and divinity basically figured out and thinks he's an atheist, he has, due to his asperger's syndrome, a very narrow scope of interest, and if the topic doesn't have to do with dungeons and dragons or star trek, it won't hold his attention for very long. people with asperger's syndrome also tend to be all output; they do all the talking and aren't interested in what others think. or say. or feel. but this was an actual discussion, a dialogue, and not just about ideas, but also about my experience of god. wes heard me. he was engaged.

incredible.

oh, by the way. i broke my promise. i absentmindedly picked up my banjo and quietly played intermittently while wes and i discoursed. he never seemed to notice.

i went home, grabbed my bass, and headed to the farquhar's 17th annual easter egg hunt (my first), where blind mary played a small set, augmented by kelly lefaive on fiddle and her dad on spoons and shakers, and ted from down east, who was new to everybody, sitting in on guitar.

home again home again jiggedy jig. dishes done. floor swept. blog written. now to bed to finish the the da vinci code, which i'm finding extraordinarily relevant to my life.

post-script: so, i don't know if wes will come to listen to the da vinci code sermons, but i just spoke with karen, who has read the novel, and she's interested and she'll probably attend with at least our youngest daughter.

fullness

i talked with my sister tonight. she has done alpha and led it a couple of times. she also said that their communion service has a 1,000 people attending.

i have wrongfully mocked her church for its ampitheatre-like setting. peg, i beg your forgiveness. my association has been that big church = big business = worldly power and wealth = lack of intimacy with jesus and community. it's not my church, so i don't know what i'm talking about. and who am i to judge a thousand people's spirituality, or even one?

would it be wonderful if our church was full, including that balcony that sweeps above the back third of the church? katrina and i talked today of growth and change: what if our pastor leaves? how do we grow a younger generation into leadership? but we didn't talk about the challenge of growth of the number of members. maybe my sister has some insights.

lost and found

my sister said i might like these guys:

Q: DID YOU REALLY RIDE BICYCLES AROUND THE COUNTRY?

A: Yes, we did. We left from Niagara Falls, Ontario in September 1986 and returned there in August of 1987. During the trip we rode basically from New York to St. Louis to Miami to San Diego to Seattle and back to New York. It took us 340 days and we played 270 concerts at schools, churches, camps, or any place that would have us. We stayed with families 300 nights and in hotels the other 30. One thing about us: we do not camp. (It's just our nature.) We made the trip without ever missing a concert date and without any support vehicle following us or leading us. We supported ourselves through the sale of our first record (vinyl only at the time). Lots of days we just bungee-corded the records to our bikes and brought them along to the gigs to offer for sale. It was an incredible experience to say the least, and I think that's about what we have said on this subject isn't it?

i think she meant their music: lost and found

sex. and christianity.

sex. and christianity. sex and the single person and christianity. i'm a divorced heterosexual. by my definition, i'm not promiscuous. i have had sex only within the bounds of committed, monogamous, loving relationships.

but the relationships haven't lasted, and perhaps 'commitment' has been the telling point. committed to what? being committed to the other person hasn't been enough to make the relationship last.

my experience has been that each person in the relationship changes, and rightfully so: changes to become more authentic and to achieve a truer understanding of the self. but that hasn't work towards a mutual commitment; just the opposite, because it's inevitable that each person changes differently: if you roll two dice, most of the time they'll come out as two different numbers, and to be able to roll doubles consistently is, well, miraculous. or else the dice are fixed.

nicky gumble gives the analogy of a christian marriage as a pyramid with each person on either side of the base and god at the apex. as each person moves up the sides of the pyramid towards god, they move closer together. here, of course, 'commitment' involves commitment to jesus, and all else follows.

i don't expect christian commitment in a relationship makes it any easier; it's not a panacea for human frailties; in fact, i expect it produces greater challenges, but i also expect it comes with a promise of greater truth and love and joy. i've seen christian marriages fail; i've seen non-christian marriages succeed.

but i've made my choice to follow god, and that redefines my idea of a 'committed' relationship. on the other hand, i haven't made my choice yet whether i want a relationship with a woman again. i have a lot to sort out for myself, i have children who need my support. i have a deeper yearning that i need to understand. maybe it's time to be intentionally celibate for a while and let that sexual energy serve another purpose.

my birth day

i was born on good friday (20 april 1962). today's good friday service was very powerful. i went for a l-o-o-n-g walk this afternoon and then borrowed the da vinci code from katrina. we sat outside on the trampoline and talked mostly about our lives in context of the last alpha video. i wish the scotsman was feeling better so he could've joined us, and also so that he could have enjoyed the beautiful day. i was looking forward to canasta or euchre and schnick-schnacks and conversation; so we'll have to go for a pint when he's not feeling under the weather. when katrina invited me to knox 5 weeks ago, i thought to myself i'd see it through to easter. now that i've accepted god back into my life, i'll stay at knox until god wants me to serve some other purpose. how will i know when that is? i don't know; i'm here to learn how to listen. i finally told my mother and sister the good news, which of course made them very happy. and i'm very happy too. i want to thank you all and i want to thank jesus.

what would jesus do

i used to make fun of 'wwjd' -- i think my favourite parody was: 'wwgd' -- what would gretzky do? my sister and her husband -- peggy and jack -- wore wwjd wrist bands and other stuff. i would still make fun of something that was mass marketed to the point of cliche.

nevertheless, i've always been mindful of what jesus might do. it's scary, because i can't imagine jesus living a conventional life and doing things like driving a minivan. (well, no, actually, it's funny, cuz i can imagine jesus driving a minivan; he's got peter, andrew, james, john, matthew, and philip with him, and judas is driving the other one, with thomas, james, simon, batholomew, and thaddaeus. i think they're on their way to a grateful dead concert.)

what would jesus do? something radical -- but not rash, as jim mentioned in last week's sermon. something radical, like be fully human and fully serve god. jesus spent nearly 30 years preparing for his ministry, preparing for the event we celebrate this weekend.

but the years have passed since 'wwjd' was all the rage, and in this clip, context is everything. this clip was posted by one of my lj friends.
http://peacetakescourage.cf.huffingtonpost.com/

p.s.
if, after the animation, you go to the website, you can click "About" to find who's the rabblerouser behind all this (if you believe anything on the web; i know i do.).

every day is christmas day

i just found this song.

Rudy
by Be Good Tanyas


Rudy lives on the borderline
Between civilization and basic survival
And the summertime treats him fairly well
But the wintertime is a dirty cold rival.
It's wintertime now in Georgetown,
The streets come alive with the Christmas light
And Rudy sleeps on a warm air grate,
With a newspaper blanket on December nights.

Deck the halls,
Rudolph the red-nosed wino
Knows it's Christmas time.
Jingle Bells and Christmas shoppers
Dashing through the snow.
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Who've found it in your hearts
To flip Rudy a fin
And I'll be home for Christmas,
But this man has
No place to go.

Christmas has a meaning in it all
To people of greed and incredible waste,
They seek the deeper meaning
In the shopping mall,
In a yuletide spirit
Of impatience and hate.
Rudy is a patient man,
Who tries to see the beauty in everything.
Yes, and not a very demanding soul,
Whose only wish is
To live until the Spring.

Nobody knows the reasons why
Things turn out
Like the way they do.
And there ain't no one who can tell you
The reasons why
There's fortunate folks
Like me and you.

Rudy must have people somewhere,
Who wonder what
Became of the man.
And Rudy must wonder
The same damn thing
As the crowd passes by
And he sticks out his hand.

Deck the halls,
Rudolph the red-nosed wino
Knows it's Christmas time.
Jingle Bells and Christmas shoppers
Dashing through the snow.
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Who have found it in your hearts
To flip Rudy a fin,
And I'll be home for Christmas,
But this man has
No place to go.

Rudy died on the borderline,
Of a civilized world
On Christmas Eve.
You know the shoppers shopped,
And the temperatures dropped,
On a man whose absence
Won't be grieved.
Peace on the soul of the cop
Who found him in a booth
With his hand froze to a telephone.
You know, I think I know
Who he had on the line,
And Rudy won't spend
This Christmas alone.

Deck the halls,
Rudolph the red-nosed wino
Knows it's Christmas time.
Jingle Bells and Christmas shoppers
Dashing through the snow.
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Who have found it in your hearts
To flip Rudy a fin,
And I'll be home for Christmas,
And this year,
Rudy gets to go.
Yeah, and I'll be home for Christmas.
And this year, Rudy gets to go.

primary sources

if anyone's reading this, pardon me that i'm brief. it's very late and i know soon i'll be too tired to be coherent.

a few days ago i finished Programming The Universe: A Quantum Computer Scientist Takes On The Cosmos and as soon as i finished it, i wanted to read it again.

but i have another book waiting to be read, one which promises a lot about revealing truths about jesus: The Pagan Christ: Recovering The Lost Light by Tom Harpur. i read the first chapter or so with some incredulity but nonetheless with great excitement. 20 years or so ago i read harpur's columns in the toronto star, and at least one of his books, For Christ's Sake; he comes with impressive credentials, and like me, an Anglican background. i trusted him, and was willing to suspend disbelief while i read his new (published in 2004) book (note: parts of the book were originally published as newspaper columns in the preceding year or two). i felt i had begun a great intellectual journey that night, a journey onto new spiritual truths, even that i had discovered my purpose: to explore this idea of jesus as the pagan christ.

the next day (thursday), i googled the book. it's been over a year since its publication. what has been the critical reaction to it? the first search result is a dissenting article. this article at times is vitrolic, which puts me off, but it claims two merits: it researches each of harpur's points, and at the end it engages harpur himself via email.

personally, before i can make a final decision, there is much left to be studied: i have to read harpur's book, confirm his sources, and read the book's supporters and dissenters. but the dissenting article has thrown cold water into my face. it accuses harpur, with evidence, of sloppy research, of lacking primary sources. i won't say any more until i'm done, but i'll be reading more critically. and i'll post my further thoughts.

today another document, perhaps as incredulous, came my way, "The Gospel of Judas," which purports that jesus asked judas to betray him. the difference here from harpur's book, is that there is primary source, the copy of which is 1700 years old (and the original text is known to have existed since at least 180 a.d.). at this time i'm not interested in the truth of it; i know too little to be a good judge. i'm interested to see how this is received and evaluated over time. the other difference from the harpur book is that this primary source is published, not by the daily/weekly popular press, but by an academic organization: national geographic.

as for primary sources, (a) may god give me guidance, and (b) i'm reading the new testament, again. maybe one day i'll dust off my koine greek and read it in the original. if any one in midland wants to join me, drop me an email.

fibs

from GottaBook:

One
Small,
Precise,
Poetic,
Spiraling mixture:
Math plus poetry yields the Fib.

listen to the music

i could be the most virtuosic guitar player in the world, but if i couldn't listen, i'd hardly be a musician. i'm a very modest guitar player; most people i play with are much more talented, and that includes my students. but i know that because i listen, i'm a capable musician. i try to listen with all my being, because the music is always happening, and always happening at all levels in all ways. listen to the drums, listen to the bass, listen to the guitar and keys, listen to the singers, listen to the sound tech, listen to the audience, listen to the groove, listen to the mood, listen to what's going on inside me, listen to my intuition, listen to my muse, listen to the people, listen to the walls and halls and bricks and beams, listen to the birds and traffic, listen to the rain and listen to the sunshine, listen to the colours and the smells. listen to my children and family, my friends, my enemies. listen to you. listen to me. listen to god. listen, we are all musicians. i know of no greater joy.

communion

ok, next in the continuing adventure of discovering protestantism (as opposed to anglicanism, even low-church anglicanism), is... communion! there are many formal and liturgical differences (which i won't list here).

but the essence remains, and that greatly moved me. i at times had tears in the corners of my eyes, as i felt i haven't felt in perhaps a quarter century.

notes: i did locate the baptismal font, today, in behind the drum kit. the music was really good today, and i wondered: if i joined them and they would have me, would i (have to) wear a goatee ;) ?

the new testament exegesis (? -- as i've said before, it's not really a sermon) tells me how little i've read and understood the epistles. we came to the famous section where paul says that wives should obey their husbands, and i thought to myself, now, how's jim gonna handle this? with humour, first of all ("i wanted this in our wedding vows, but melissa wouldn't go for it"); and then with context ("women were property"); and finally with revelation ("it was a radical idea that husbands should love their wives as their own bodies"). jim's modern take on impure love is love that objectifies the other.

here are today's two synchronicities. when i got home i put on some music for my brunch guests. i chose a mix tape i had made a few years before. the mix tape itself had no theme when it was made; it was just the songs we were listening to that summer. these two songs were back-to-back on the tape; in the first song, hawksley workman expresses how i felt during communion, and in the second, sarah harmer sings of consecrated love.

Sweet Hallelujah
by Hawksley Workman
from For Him and the Girls

This is just a prayer for those who need one
There's a little church I know in the dale
Where they sing a song so sweet, to my saviour who is calling me
Sweet, sweet, I just have to breathe hallelujah, sweet hallelujah.

I'll meet you before the dew has left the fern leaves
We'll listen together as the bell rings from the dale
and it summons me with a sound so sweet, like my saviour who is calling me
Sweet, sweet, I just have to sing hallelujah, sweet hallelujah

And there is none so fine a place to greet him
To dance before the morning sun is to please him
To dance a dance so gracefully, to praise the man so clumsily
Sweet, sweet, I just have to dance hallelujah, sweet hallelujah


Open Window
by Sarah Harmer
from You Were Here

Love, I see you there
Adrift on the air
Floating by the open window

Ah, the sentiment of love
Reflections that speak of
What can enter when our hearts are open

Here, witnesses appear
And recognize how sacred love can be when stated
Shared, shown for all to see
The beauty that can be when love is cultivated

Well our love is a sacred thing
Like the mysteries of the night
In the darkness unwavering
And still so strong come the light

Well our love is an infinite thing
Like the sun's last ray on the sea
As it sets low in the west
And the moon rises

terar dum prosim

i read tonight's open journal before doing the dishes, so that i'd have something to contemplate while doing the dishes, but that was hours ago and i can't recall all that i wanted to write about.

i've been in a few car accidents. i was the driver in every one of them. sober every time. only one of them involved a collision with another vehicle. no one's ever been hurt, including me. but there have been some close calls. after the last one, about 20 months ago, i gave up driving.

the two most amazing ones involved ice and rear-drive vehicles. in the first one, north of lake superior, i rolled a jeep down an embankment. it landed on its wheels. after i checked for fluid leaks, i put the jeep into 4-wheel drive, drove it up the snowy embankment, and back to the opp station in whiteriver.

the other amazing one was on the 400 southbound going through barrie approaching the anne street overpass. the car fishtailed and shot off the road. the last thing i saw before the snow flew over the windshield was the telephone pole coming straight for me. i remember calmly saying, "Oh well." the car somehow missed the telephone pole, slid up the side of the overpass embankment, then slid backdown and came to rest against the inside of the guardrail. the width of the gap between the telephone pole and the guard rail at that time through which the car had shot was only a few metres, maybe 3 or 4.

i've been lucky so many times. and those are the accidents or near misses that are obvious to me. what about the ones i don't know about, the ones where had i done something a moment sooner or a moment later... ?

dumb luck? first of all, i think somebody's been trying to tell me something: "you shouldn't be driving." but maybe somebody's also saying, "not so fast. i'm not done with you yet." maybe, because i keep asking what i should be doing in this universe, to best serve it, somebody's saying, "you haven't got the answer yet." i don't know. i don't presume to know how god works. i wouldn't know a miracle if it hit me in the face.

about a year ago, my cousin-in-law suddenly ended up in hospital in hamilton, with leukemia. all her platelets, her white blood cells, everything was gone. she was given 24 hours left to live. she stayed like that for weeks. there were vigils, there were intercessions. i didn't pray, but i wrote her a poem. in an email last week, her husband, my first cousin, wrote very humourously of how last week they spent her 44th birthday going to 6 or 7 medical exams, how she's almost fully recovered and will be off meds in the next month or two. at the hospital they call her the miracle girl. she set some kind of record for being so close to death's door for so long.

a jungian analyst once told me that all the people i dream about are not those people, but facets of me, and what do i see of myself in those facets? a friend and counselor once told me that my son, who has aspergers syndrome, is there to serve a purpose in my life. by extension, i wonder, does everybody serve a purpose in my life; does everybody serve my purpose? and the corollary: do i serve a purpose in everybody else's life? do we all serve each other, in one way or another, whether we like it or not? ("it's not an option.")

my high school motto is: terar dum prosim, which means: may i be consumed in service. the school is named after bishop nicholas ridley, who was burned at the stake in tudor england (that's him being burned at the beginning of the film Elizabeth).

proofs of god

i don't like them. i encountered a lot of them in my university studies. a logical proof requires a priori assumptions, but what comes before god? a proof strikes me as a human creation, a human fabrication; a proof of god seems to put the cart before the horse.

actually, proof seems out of place to me tonight. i was watching pairs of canada geese courting on the ice of the bay, honking calls and response, flying fast and low. geese are what geese are.

i am what i am. god is what is god, and i still prefer god as ineffable. i like the mystery and wonder, i like the challenge to my faith: how do i believe in what i don't know? jesus the human i know, as much as i can know a historical/archetypal/mythopoetic person.

god as proof. i don't like this either. i've been reading about intelligent design lately, not in my current book i'm reading, programming the universe, but as an adjunct. science is science, and while god may be at the root of all creation, the prime mover, or even active agent, scientific methodology has several criteria of proof, none of which admits the supernatural. science does not prove everything; just the opposite, it discovers more and more mystery, more and more wonder.

i sit watching the geese, and i nag myself: shouldn't i be doing something else? something productive? something that moves my life forward another notch? (as if i could possibly control my future to such fine detail, or to any degree at all). then
i scold myself: shut up! i'm missing the geese!

facts and proofs and plans, if they get out of hand, can get in the way of wonder, eh?

i heard a james taylor song today that i've never paid attention to before. here are some of the words from the middle of the song "Secret O' Life":


The secret of love is in opening up your heart
It's okay to feel afraid
But don't let that stand in your way
'Cause anyone knows that love is the only road
And since we're only here for a while
Might as well show some style
Give us a smile

Einstein said he could never understand it all
Planets spinning through space
The smile upon your face
Welcome to the human race

Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
It's just a lovely ride

so many paths to god

in buddhism, a bodhisattva is an enlightened one who chooses not to go to nirvana but to stay on earth and help all other sentient beings achieve enlightenment.

when all achieve enlightenment, as i understand it, then karma, the cycle of birth-and-death, will end, and suffering shall cease.

i particularly like the little i know of the mayahana buddhist tradition.

on sunday, in church, i heard a similar call like that: once you find the light in the person of jesus, help others toward the light.

as i leaned away from christianity in my 20s, i leaned towards taoism and buddhism. intellectually, that is. i've never been to a taoist or buddhist temple, never sat meditation.

there's a buddhist retreat centre not far from barrie, and at least three of my friends in midland have gone for 10-day retreats and have had marvelous, wondrous, challenging, soul-satisfying experiences.

so many paths to god, and yet they seem to be similar in many ways.

i'm not tempted to do a buddhist retreat; i don't feel it in me to be a buddhist. my culture, my upbringing, the myths deep inside of me, everything has a christian expression. it feels to be the most honest and integral part of me.

and it's not in my community -- this might be a different story if there were a buddhist or taoist centre here which may have drawn a different part of me out and nurtured it in a community, who knows?

reformation, metanoia, easter is a heady time. heady, hearty, soulful.

passion

when using the word 'passion' i've always kept in mind it's root meaning, to suffer:

"Middle English, from Old French, from Medieval Latin passi, passin-, sufferings of Jesus or a martyr, from Late Latin, physical suffering, martyrdom, sinful desire, from Latin, an undergoing, from passus, past participle of pat, to suffer;"
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/dict.asp?Word=passion

(near?) conversion experience

i mentioned some time ago in some blog somewhere that i was keeping a private list of recent synchronities. i've also written more than once that i feel parts of my life coming full circle (which is a remarkably more satisfying feeling than my life going around in circles!).

here are some expanded notes from last night's entry into my synchronicities list (which was actually around 3 a.m. today -- which is now yesterday as it is now just past midnight).

* a few days ago, i was emailing with a friend about being alone, and i wrote that though i generally like being by myself, "it's not preferable. it doesn't feel wholesome. i feel incomplete.i am my self, but i am also a social being."

* yesterday at cottage books i found and bought The Pagan Christ: Recovering the Lost Light, by tom harpur, which promises to strip away the foofaraw from the historical jesus.

* yesterday, i started reading Programming the Universe: a quantum computer scientist takes on the cosmos, by seth lloyd.

* tonight, i had a half-written reply about "meaning" to jim kitson's post "Christ in One Another." i stopped writing because i was tired and my thoughts were foggy. then i closed the notepad without saving. yoiks! two things jim had written really caught my attention: "It is in the setting of human fellowship that we grow in him and toward him and become more like him" and "You can’t depend on any one person to show Jesus to you or for you to know him."

* i read KU's brilliant posts and went to bed, and read programming the universe until my eyes closed. (since then i've also read the kevin's powerful and personal post on prayer.)

* but i couldn't sleep. i was thinking that kevin and kate are moving with certainty into fellowship at church, and kate is diving in deep, while i drift out to sea; kate and kevin have a greater certainty about christ. and why is that? and thinking about the why kept me awake.

* i should add that i have this mental image in my mind of the the-life-and-times-of-our-universe-as-dixie-cup (replacing my earlier one of the-life-and-times-of-our-universe-as-balloon), because my current computer wallpaper at work is an artist's representation of the expansion of the universe over time from the beginning:

this image came from a NASA article: "Ringside Seat to the Universe's First Split Second"
(someone called this a "kiddush cup" but i don't know what that is, i'm too lazy to google it, i can't relate to it, and so it has no meaning to me; but i can relate to a dixie cup.)

(two quotes come to mind: "Me and all these other dice bouncing around in the cup" and "God does not play dice with the universe.".)

so, let's recap:
* i'm alone in this universe
* the universe is big; it has a design, and a structure; it's a big computer that computes information
* i came from the universe, i will return to it, and am part of it, but how do i relate to the universe?
* why can't i relate to jesus?

* i feel something's trying tell me something; i don't feel i've drifted so far out to sea, i feel close to belief in god and jesus. for jesus to have meaning for me, the jesus i can relate to, is the jesus stripped away of all foofaraw, like the anglican altar stripped bare on maundy thursday. god as the design/er of the dixie-cup universe, the computer, and the design is trying to tell me something, there is intention in the design, something is trying to be said. jesus as the interpreter who gives meaning by making relationships possible. relating, direct contact. humane laying on of hands, healing

* so i got up, made myself a mashed-banana-on-rye sandwich, and climbed back into bed with programming the universe.

From page 25 (emphasis mine): "1001001 1101110 0100000 1110100 1101000 1100101 0100000 1100010 1100101 1100111 1101001 1101110 1101110 1101001 1101110 1100111. Interpreted as a message encoded in ASCII, this string means "In the beginning." But taken on its own, with no specification of how it is to be interpreted, it means nothing other than itself. Meaning is defined only relative to a scheme of interpretation, as the following conversation between Alice and Humpty Dumpty reveals [the author quotes this page in Alice in Wonderland from 'I don't know what you mean' to 'which is to be master — that's all.']"

at this point, i got up and keyed these notes into my list of synchronicities, now much expanded.

to be continued...

boss and balancing

i sat in my boss's office today during a regular one-on-one meeting. he and i understand each other very well; we have the same DiSC personality (Appraiser pattern). our talks can be quite open and frank. my little company cares about people, and it comes from the heart; it comes from people such as my boss.

so we discussed the people and the plans for the next 6 months or so, and he asked how i'm feeling about things, are things going alright? he knows that in the past year or so i've struggled with many balancing acts at work. i nod my head and smile and say, "things are good." which is the truth. he presses me. i hesitate. do i let him know my head is swimming? that i'm thinking of life, the universe, and everything? does it show?

programming takes such focus, to do it well. and to build a major application, there's time away from the keyboard when you need to go over things in your head, while you do the dishes or walk to the grocery store.

but now i'd rather be thinking of other things. things i was thinking of 25 years ago when i started out as an adult, but think of them now with middle aged experience.

for the past year or nearly a year, i've felt more and more strongly that i don't want to program computers or manage computer people in business for another 15 years. i have a good job, i enjoy it, it pays well, it will help me get my kids through university or wherever it is they're bound (i hope).

but it's not my true purpose, my profession, what i profess. i can feel that. what is my true purpose, what do i profess? i don't know. that's what i'd rather be thinking about.

does it show? does my boss need to know? no.

not yet.

the first swimming lesson

i am familiar with the anglican and roman catholic churches. this is my first time at a presbyterian service. naturally, the first part of the service i felt different, unsettled: where are the altar and communion rail? where are the pulpit and baptismal font? where is the liturgy? where are the kneelers in the pews? where is the priest in his or her collar and vestments?

my musician's eyes scan the instruments on stage: a KORG keyboard in the centre (where the altar might've been, depending if this were a high church or a low church) (btw: partway through the service i realize that KORG is the palindrome of GROK); a fendor precision bass and traynor amp, an acoustic 6-string, and a pearl drumset (which no one played; the rhythm tracks came from the keyboard, i assume). there are 6 mics on stage.

here is the pastor in an avocado green dress shirt, top button buttoned up but no tie, black dress pants. as he walked past me down the aisle, i notice his belt missed one of the belt loops, something i could easily have done myself had i worn a belt this morning.

i am familiar with alternative services and contemporary christian music, so i wasn't surprised by the uptempo songs of worship; nevertheless, the music didn't reach me, so i stood patiently by while many sang, some clapped, and someone nearby heavily tapped foot on floor.

i sat in pew 51 with kevin to my right and the aisle to my left. the first part of the service was simple enough: a prayer, a few songs and some announcements, a slide show of the children's art from last week. then, if i remember correctly, the kids left for sunday school and the sermon began.

except it wasn't a sermon. it didn't have the quality of a well-prepared, well-rehearsed theological disputation. i'm sure it was well-prepared, but it didn't feel "prepared." there were overheads, but it wasn't a lecture either. it was jim kitson — who's been to my house to bring his son to guitar lessons — modestly, earnestly, conversationally answering one of the most important questions that has bugged me for more than 25 years: is jesus the one?

it took him a while to get around to it. at one point i thought he wasn't going to answer the question afterall. but i suspect that's part of his conversational style not to be didactic; also, as kate pointed out, he perhaps has to be very careful not to offend or shock those in the congregation who firmly believe jesus is the one (as in the one and only); he took pains to start from scripture: the gospels and the letters of paul, and especially the gospel of john with the platonic idea of jesus as "o` logos" — the universal and eternal word. jim remarked on the holy people of the old testament and people of other cultures, and emphasized that god wants to include all people. so, in the broadest sense, yes, jesus as the light, as the word, is the way, for all people, always was, always will be. i can live with that.

but what's the point, of jesus on the cross? what's the point of a personal god? this is the second great question for me, and it is like the first. i believe in a historical jesus, but i don't know about a jesus fully man and fully god, which, as jim said, doesn't make logical sense. at this moment in his talk, i had a small insight.

it was a flash, and now, ten hours later, i'm trying trace all that which that flash illumined. it has something to do with suffering and passion. with jesus as a portal, a connection, a completeness to the universal. the universal is all fine and dandy; the grand scheme of things is a nice perspective, but it's not a complete picture. it's lacking vitality, life. it's all reason with no rhyme; all physics with no feeling; all logic with no art; all sublime with no passion. it's a universe of stardust and gases and dark matter, but no life, nothing human, nothing dolphin, nothing earthworm nor microbial, nothing alien. all things rise and fall and suffer, suffer death, decay. it is the way of the universe. and if the universe could speak...

if the universe could speak. it speaks all time time. every moment of the universe is information (seth lloyd programming the universe).

if the universe could speak. what might it say? i am the universe, i am the way, the tao, the light, this photon of information, this word, this truth, this love, this yearning, this dance. all who believe in me shall be saved.

okay. i'm definitely diving off the deep end now. i guess it's where i've always preferred swimming. don't like to hit my head on the bottom.

the plowmen

as the scotsman and adrian know,
our town is bequeathed with snow

soon the midnight tim's will be
convergent with plowmen's trucks
rumbly diesel warming while
the plowmen order their triple-triple fuel
for the all-night runs

and kids scoot down campbell's hill
ruddy cheeked and fingertips frozen
sweaty bodies steaming from the neck
parents happy for the sound sleep that
winter play brings

lo velo ve love - haiku

love? lo velo ve love
lov el ovel o velo
vel ove love

eh you annoya

far hans arp
fer hens erp
fir hins irp
for hons orp
fur huns urp
fyr hyns yrp

-from an observation by argent birka